Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Keeping house

Grown ups are those other people. Not me. They're those people who look grown up, and know things like when is the deadline for income taxes, or how change a fuse or who to call when the roof leaks. I just call my dad.

One thing grown ups know how to do is how to clean the house properly, and grown ups have proper devices for same.

Many years ago I sobbed down the phone to my brother saying that I was of a certain age and didn't even have proper knives in the kitchen. He duly sent a set, sweet boy.

But you know you are a perpetual and pathetic teenager when you find yourself picking up popcorn kernals to feed into the vacuum hose in the faint hope that the cheapo, frustrating piece-o-crap will actually do its job.

I swear to god all my life all I've ever wanted is a proper vacuum cleaner that actually sucks stuff up instead of sitting there making a lot of noise and doing nothing.

Sweet Mr. Dyson sings my song, I love those ads and drop everything to watch them oh yes oh yes Mr. Dyson, other vacuums lose suction! Terrible things! And yes, yes I want one of yours, your ever-sucking machines!

As my brother is no longer taking my calls, a very good friend gave me her spare. She bought a Dyson to satisfy the crabby cleaner, and the cleaner couldn't figure it out so she bought a Miele for the cleaner who grumbled and now has central vac. THAT sounds grown up.

Ha ha I said, I've always wanted one of these! Sadly it is a bit more complicated than your average appliance, or I am far more stupid than I used to be (a distinct possiblity) and thus I have had to go to Youtube and the world wide web to figure out what the wand is all about but now, sweet friends, now we are working like a charm and cleaning every single day just for the joy of it. The carpet has never been cleaner and as soon as this wand thing is fully sorted out, the filthy sofa will also be brought into submission. There's a doodad attachment thingy that is called a "mattress tool" which I might take out for a spin, too. This Mr. Dyson, he's a little obsessive about the clean but nevermind, it's all good, and he's right, the thing sucks like a ... well, it does a good job.

Nothing on earth feels better than being able to take care of these small tasks, like keeping clean. It's almost like being a grown up.


Terry D said...

please never grow up....

eva said...

I've also been obsessed with powerful suction, 360 mobility, and assorted attachments. Alas, I did not channel that ingenuity into housecleaning apparatus. Which is why Mr. Dyson is a multi-millionaire while I still do my own carpets. Your appreciation and admiration for Dyson is a revelation. Loved the post!

Laura T said...

Oh, no, now I feel like a total loser! Having been vacuum cleaner-less for a year or so (too lazy to buy a new one), I've tried to convince myself that a broom, a dust buster and a lint brush were adequate substitutes. Now I find out that not only are my house, sofa and mattress (!!) in need of uncompromised suctioning, but I've regressed back to childhood for not making the purchase sooner.

But wait...is that actually a bad thing??? Maybe irresponsibility and the occasional dust bunny are keys to the Fountain of Youth!! Hmmm...wonder what additional delinquency is required to fix the lines around my eyes...